Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
