they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
