I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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