Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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