so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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