I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
