She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
