I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
