Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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