It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
