Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
