Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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