u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
