i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
