Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
