Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
