When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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