Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We smell like vodka and hangover
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
