There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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