I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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