Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
