Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
