it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize