Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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