All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
