So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
