How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
