No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
we're making bets on your personal life
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
