If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
