There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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