and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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