Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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