Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
