There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
