Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
