The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
