I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Randomize
