as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
