I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
