How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
