there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
