drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
