All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
