I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
