im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just blew my weed a kiss
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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