Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
