why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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