you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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