Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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