that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Randomize
