After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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