You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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