Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
there is glitter all over my balls
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