i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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