If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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