operation harelip BJ is a go
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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