was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
