FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
