Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
