Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
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