Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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