I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
