I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
