you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my poor anus
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
