its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
