We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
