And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
