Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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