Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize