Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
