Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
