I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
