I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
