First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
