my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
