I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
