I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
